When I first met my partner, who was pregnant and fleeing a violent marriage, I knew that I would potentially become a dad to her child. I was scared at first as I had not had the best upbringing myself, and thoughts about my own father made me worried that I would be the same as him. I wanted to be a good father figure to this child, but this petrified me and I constantly thought I would fail.
When Home-Start came along to that first visit, Marina gave lots of help and advice and we were listened to. That gave me the backbone that I needed to realise that I am not the same as my own father.
Over the years we have made mistakes. We were not judged and Marina and Home-Start helped us realise that it is ok to make mistakes and to move forward and learn from them. In 2022 we had another daughter. As a family we got some great advice. My partner and child would attend the Young Parents Group sessions and feedback about the activities and advice that was shared. Marina would visit regularly to review our support and to see where else she could help. We spoke openly with her about our struggles and were always met with ideas and solutions.
I was never praised as a child and no one really took much notice of me and I got used to that. But my partner would come home from the young parents’ group and always passed on messages of praise and support from Marina, parenting advice and new ideas for us to try and she always asked about how I was, how the job was going etc. It felt good having someone who isn’t family, who isn’t biased, who is really just an outsider, praising me and telling me what a good job I was doing as a dad. This had a huge impact on my self-esteem, my confidence and my mental health. I now feel that I am good at something, I am a good dad and hearing that someone who has no reason to say it, who isn’t biased, telling me this puts me on cloud nine.
Over the 2 years we have had lots of parenting advice, and remember when our eldest child became really fussy with her food. I remembered my own experiences as a child when I was forced to eat what I had been given and remembered how my dad would be angry when I didn’t eat my food. Marina helped us to recognise that fussy behaviour is normal behaviour for a child. She was understanding and listened to our concerns, and give us some good tips on how we should manage the situation by staying calm and encouraging different foods. Marina also supported a lot with healthy eating advice with projects in the groups and equipment for the home. This made a big difference to us as a family as we couldn’t have afforded these. This has helped me with taking control of my health and making healthier meals for all of us.
When our eldest child started with the terrible twos she was pushing our buttons. We discussed this with Marina. I knew that I didn’t want to be that aggressive parent that I recognised as a child, and again was given advice and support in how to manage those behaviours. I am now the bad cop but I know how to use just enough authority in my voice to make a difference.
My mental health has been up and down constantly throughout my whole life. Home-Start gave me advice, encouragement and support to move forward and tackle my mental health issues. I was encouraged to initially visit my own GP for help, and Marina also directed me towards other support services such as Andy’s Man Club and seeing a therapist. She gave me tips on self-care, looking after myself and getting out and about. Without this support my mental health would have definitely got worse but I was given the courage to improve my own mental health. During visits Marina checks in with how I am feeling, and gives me a little push in the right direction.
The main thing I will take from the support is how it has improved both my partners and my own self-esteem and confidence. We are better parents for it and really appreciate all the practical and emotional support given.
